Grey Pondering
The first significant thing that happened today is both happy and sad for me. A similar face like rejection creeped through me, I knew it was a feeling so familiar to my heart. But in spite of that, something good also happened. It went like this: During our first subject, Religion, Sister Alu told us to hold hands with our classmates and form a big circle. I happen to be beside Almond so it was his hand that I held, then we prayed. Sadly, after that, Sister told us to approach our best friend-only one best friend. Well of course, Tiffany and Almond is closer to each other than to me, so I just let them pair w/ each other. And as for me? I don’t know. They both asked me who’s my best friend, but I gave no answer. I guess I am still so uncertain, uncertain to say things because maybe they don’t like me anymore..maybe. Am I being too cynical? I just stayed there with a sense of a negative feeling until I saw my friend whose name is also Raymond V.S.(the same with Almond coz that is what I call the other Raymond M.). I just approached him and asked him to be my partner, not that we are best friends indeed. I want him to be my best friend too(in that school-Glaisa A. Labra is my bessie from JR), but I don’t wanna make decisions that I’m not sure of if I could back up with actions. I want to take cautions already. I don’t want to make a mistake of choosing a best friend but won’t be able to show it in actions. It just happens by itself anyways..who knows. I can be intimate to anyone anyways, I just need to enjoy spending quality time with them, and before we realize it..we’re closer already! Yey!
That is the sad side of that significant thing, the second side is happy. That’s the time when I finally sat with Raymond Val Sagucio. This time Sis Alu explained that some of us felt rejected because of what happened similar to mine. She said that some of us were just forced to choose one because our real best friend chose other person etc. Then, she asked us to do a sharing with the person we are with. Val and I just sat there, knowing we aren’t really best friends(close friends though) until he asked me why I chose him, why I chose him as a friend. I told him to share first so he did, even though he isn’t good at sharing according to him. What he said is really nice.
*leans my head at the laptop “uggh I’m very sleepy, yet I couldn’t fall asleep especially with this desire of expressing myself here”*
The following hours were time spent with anxiety and patience. I spent my recess with Tiff and Mond, but I went with Inah during tha lunch. And with some from the science group after class.
BTW I am very disppointed of our new sitting arrangement for this quarter. Almost ALL of the science group were placed near to each other, while I was far from them! I amost chose 18 but I changed the folded paper I took, so I got 1-unlucky. Uggh what an unfortunate me! Anyways I still wanna thank God for the priviledge of having more opportunity to rely on Him to get a good grade than on my friends from the sci. grp. 
